Happy New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I did have something else planned for the blog this week but decided to abandon it and review 2012, the year that comes in between 2011 and 2013. We weren’t supposed to have a 2013 according to those who fell for the Mayan thing, I’m still laughing. Sorry, I had to say it.
It’s been an interesting year. Here in Britain we had a Diamond Jubilee, which gave us an extra bank holiday, I lived through my second Olympics in twelve years. The last one was back in Sydney, okay I was in Melbourne but we were still bombarded with twenty four footage whether we wanted it or not. I stayed true to form and stuck with the opening and closing ceremonies, and watched DVDs or the movie channel in between. As you can no doubt tell, sport elicits a great big yawn from me. For those who weren’t waiting for the end of the world it was a time we saw the big lawsuit(s) between Apple and Samsung. How many ways are there to make a smartphone? The American elections entertained us all in Britain with its name calling and cat fights. The GOP said some incredibly hurtful things about women and invented a phrase, forcible rape, to differentiate between other kinds of rape. Are there other kinds? I nearly had a brain haemorrhage trying to work out the meaning. Perhaps there was no meaning, but they didn’t get in and over here we all breathed a sigh of relief that we wouldn’t be treated to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the worrying thought that American men might feel obliged to marry more than one wife. Quite a few of them can’t seem to treat the only wife they’ve got with respect and loyalty.
Oh and wait for it. I finally registered to vote. Yes ma’am. I am now a registered voter. I’ve avoided voting for years, even back in Australia where it’s illegal not to vote. Try explaining that to a big guy called ‘Kev the Bastard’ sharing your cell, just before he batters you into submission. Voting for me is a bit like pulling teeth, the last time I voted was for Tommy Sheridan and he got tossed in jail for going to swinging parties and the time before that it was Natasha Stott Despoja back in Australia because, um, she had the best legs. But nevertheless I suppose it’s one of those things we should do although I think it just encourages the maggots to crawl out of the woodwork and shower us with flattery, only to suffer collective amnesia whenever it comes to honouring a promise. Why aren’t politicians forced to repay their entire salary if they don’t keep election promises? Now even I would vote for that.
Like everyone else on the planet I waited with bated breath as the Mars Explorer parachuted to Mars but there were no Martian anti aircraft batteries trying to take it out, just a moment of nothing and then it landed and has been collecting dirt ever since. I guess that’s to add to the pile of Moon rocks brought back in the 1970s. Space exploration has become seriously boring. We haven’t found any microbes let alone a vast inter galactic empire determined to destroy us, and time travel is still impossible unless you’re in Amish country or Cornwall.
It was also the year that saw the rise of yet another North Korean Dear Leader. Seriously those guys need to see a good hair stylist because they all look like they’ve been standing in front of a turbofan. The new leader is as same as the last one and the one before him, completely and certifiably insane, but we all saw that one coming didn’t we? We watched Israel bombing Gaza yet again, something tells me the IDF doesn’t like the Palestinians although maybe that’s just a rumour. Egypt elected a president who could be even worse than the last one, and here in Britain the Conservatives and Lib Dems have cancelled all further love ins indefinitely. Now how did we in Britain know that alliance was never going to work? Let’s see, filthy rich private school boys join with Left Wing radicals to try and steer Britain out of recession? Nope, I can’t see it either. Neither did they.
On the technology front we saw the rise of the iPad, which is supposed to revolutionise the way we interact with computers. Now we can touch them and slide things around, it’s all so, freaky. As a writer I’ve yet to find a use for a tablet computer. A keyboard that won’t obey you, wi-fi access that drops out intermittently, and all it seems to do is let you watch the BBC, Sky tv and update your Facebook profile. I did however get myself a smartphone, see, I can keep up with the Joneses. It even has a Kindle reading app.
The revolution in self publishing was about the only thing that actually encouraged me. I mean now more than ever it’s easier to self publish and promote your work. Actually making money out of it is a lot harder and we’re still at a distinct disadvantage but the gaps are narrowing. Admittedly some of the books I’ve read haven’t been that good and some have been howlers, but I’ve read some decent books on Kindle and am going to publish The Deepening Dark on Kindle and probably other platforms too. I think this is probably the most exciting thing to happen to self publishing and traditional publishing since the birth of the Internet. Yes boys and girls, once upon a time daddy and mummy didn’t have an Internet, we couldn’t even send text messages, we had to like use a dial telephone and actually speak to someone or send a letter with a stamp if we wanted to communicate with other people. There was no Facebook, Twitter or Xbox 360. A games night meant turning up at someone else’s house with a chess set or Trivial Pursuit, we even had to sit in the same room and play games together. My God, how did we survive? There was no X Factor, no Britain’s Got No Talent, or American Idol. Back then if you wanted to be a singer you had to practice real hard for years, play lots of gigs and try to find a record deal.
But in all seriousness. It has been an interesting year. The world is a scarier, more complicated and exciting place than it was last year. The world keeps turning and I guess some time in the next four billion years it’ll all come to an end. Hopefully by that time we’ve all beamed ourselves to an exoplanet somewhere out there in space to avoid the coming apocalypse.
For those who followed my Hero’s Journey and commented or liked it, thank you very much for your support and I would like to wish you all a happy and healthy new year. In the next week or two I will be starting a new series retelling old myths in modern day language and translating them to modern situations. Not sure how long the series will run or how I’ll do it, but let’s dig into our past and see what inspires us. Who knows? We might even find the seeds of your next novel soon? If you do and get interviewed on Good Morning America, can you please mention the mad Aussie blogger from Scotland? Thank you!
Happy New Year everyone.

Sincerely,
Alastair Rosie

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